Originally posted by austexas24
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Seems she's just trying to move on. Those are things I do when I'm trying to move on. Though, she had a moment of weakness when she texted you. I honestly wouldn't even really worry about contacting her if you don't hear from her. The whole point is no contact. That is what she wanted. If she contacts you, okay then, but don't initiate anything with her. It really just seems she's trying to move on with her life and trying to sort of "hide" you from herself, just as you are doing. Definitely don't read into it at all. -
It's a little sad if that's the case, it's not like I was a shitbag that needed to be forgotten about and moved on from. It's a shame to see such a great relationship and such amazing love be lost like this, but I'm sure she has her reasons, whether I agree with them or not. Only time will tell...Originally posted by whatruckus View PostComment
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Different people do different things to cope. If you're doing the same with her (hiding your pictures on a separate USB drive), then you really can't say that it's sad. If this is something she needs to do in order to move on, then so be it, it doesn't mean you were a shitbag. It means she wants to move on with her life and not be sad/reminded so much right now. That's all.Originally posted by austexas24 View Post
Right now, she needs to focus on herself, and that is what she is doing.Comment
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I think you are torturing yourself and not actually letting go here at all - you can't read into anything she does now, and if you do it is of no concern.
In order to move on you must force yourself to stop 'caring' about what the other person does or why they are doing it, or anything along those lines. It might be a waste, it might be the biggest mistake of their lives, but it is their choice. we might want things in life a lot, but we can't always have them. You know how I felt about my ex, but we did agree to remain friends and while it is really tough I am trying to do just that. It would be far far easier for me to cut all ties - esp with something she told me yesterday now fresh in my mind.
Honestly - stop looking through things, put them all away quickly, and DO NOT PEEK..... you will only delay your healing process.
This one is over for you sad as that is, it is the way of the world sometimes.Comment
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Hi all, p_b82 I hope you're doing well and your relationship is getting easier. Just a quick update, about 3 days after she texted me that Sunday she snap texted me commenting on one of the snap chat story's I posted. (If you don't have snap chat I can explain this better lol). Anyways, I responded kindly and she later snap texted a reply back. I was going to respond again but I just couldn't find the words to say so I left it alone. It's been about a week since we've had any contact, she views my snap chats storys which is why I don't really post them anymore as I'm sure it might just muddle thing and it's not fair that she gets to see my life and I don't get to see hers.
Each day is different for me and I flip flop on what I say I'm going to do. I go from strong to weak and feeling good to freaking out. I've been wanting to contact her and let her know that whatever happens, whatever we may or may not become, I don't want us to not be in each others lives. We've only been broken up for a little over a month but I still don't feel any different about her, I still love her and I still miss her.
I just want an update on her life and that when we do contact each other we don't have these bland, "hope you're doing well" messages. I want to be myself, not feel like I'm having to hold back, obviously I won't say things about our relationship, but I just want to get back to having enjoyable conversations.
I'm probably asking for to much though aren't I? At least I haven't initiated conversation in over 2 and a half weeks, that's pretty damn good if I say so!Comment
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Barely even over a month of being broken up, of course you're still going to feel the same. It takes months, sometimes years, to get over a relationship, not a few weeks. I would say to just delete her as a contact on SnapChat. Nothing is the same after you break up with someone, and yes, you are asking too much for things to go back to "normal" without being in a relationship with her. They just won't. At least, not for a long time.Originally posted by austexas24 View PostLast edited by whatruckus; March 4, 2015, 10:14 AM.Comment
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Give the poor woman a rest and let her be in peace for awhile.Comment
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You do sound to be doing a bit betterOriginally posted by austexas24 View Post
congratulations for not initiating conversation!! That's a really good step I understand and completely agree about the whole snapchat stuff. I think it's good that you keep your life like that to yourself right now. Just keep hanging in there. This is going to get better for you, I promise. It's just going to take some time. I appreciate your checking in every so often I wonder how you've been doing
"Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."
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Well up until yesterday, I would have said I was doing terribly, spiralling into a very nasty bout of depression and feeling utterly lost/confused and with no end in sight to any of it - because she was 'happy*' and I was sad...... but we had a good long talk about things last night because I sent her a message saying I was very unsure about whether to remove her from my contacts and move on, or try to fix the damage (as she had not been giving me the impression she wanted to fix things) and I am feeling better, our friendship has taken the first steps on the road to recovery, and we are both as committed to doing that as each other, and with that my depression faded overnight. I am still lost/confused but no longer petrified. *she isn't happy per say but that got cleared up in the chat.Originally posted by austexas24 View Post
As to you:
Well done on not contacting her, but if you want to post those sorts of things normally, and are then not doing so because you don't want her to see it, then just remove her, then you no longer have to worry about it.
I get that you still love her, I really do, I am still both in love with my ex, and loving her deeply even after we split up.... BUT the longer you spend 'being good' by not posting stuff, or thinking about her, or anything that involves her by association the longer you are going to take to get over this. I did the same thing with my previous ex and it took me 18months to finally have let go of everything enough to start a proper relationship with some-one else. I will give you this advice now - it is exhausting, and it left me scarred!
I am not going to say it again, because I don't like repeating myself, but she made it very clear that she isn't really interested in you, you are offering her a distraction from her divorce, and while you made her feel good, she doesn't want you, and when her life gets more settled may not want you then either - if she did your conversations would not be 'bland' they would be ones where you are both talking about the importance of the friendship, working out how to fix it and then go about fixing it, jointly.
So take the decision away from yourself, remove any means you have of contacting her, and you will find you start to have more strong days than freaking out ones.... once you don't have any freaking out days, then if you feel you really want to re-initiate contact then do so.... but I have a feeling when you actually start to heal, you may think otherwise.
I am sure you are not going to like that, and probably won't do it either..... and if that is the case, I feel sorry for you for the elongated pain you are going to cause yourself to suffer as a result!Comment
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Hey p_b82, I'm glad you have found some peace, even though it's still hard, I'm glad you are being honest with her and just putting it all out there. Break up's honestly are terrible, especially when you're the one getting dumped.
I wanted to provide a quick update. She reached out to me again through text message on March 4th, the day I was feeling my lowest. Lucky coincidence I guess, either way, she basically said something along the lines of "I know you probably don't want to talk to me, but I just want you to know how special we were and how good it was to grow with one another.(NOTE: She's now initiated contact 3 times, I haven't once) I hope your doing well and having fun and not working to hard." I would give you guys a word for word but I don't care to check the app, and revisit old things. Guess this was her big wrap up...I immediately texted back and told her that all I've wanted to do is talk to her and that we should catch up for a phone call.
Cue the mixed signals:
I reassured her that if she wasn't comfortable with it she wouldn't have to call. She said she would think about it. Two hours pass, I get home from work and text her saying that I honestly just wanted to catch up (its true). The other part is I wanted to reestablish some what of a normal relationship again to where we could one day work into possibility dating again. She immediately messages me back saying she got super busy at work and would call in 2 minutes.
She called, we had a great, normal conversation like we used too. She was laughing, we were talking about old times, catching up with one another, she was calling me cutie, she would say things about this or that would be good for us (implying getting back together), she told me about her husband, that they haven't spoke in a week and shes going through with the divorce. (Secretly made me feel really good to know that she isn't getting back with him). She was at work so she had to end the call twice but kept calling me back.
The entire phone call lasted probably an hour. It was amazing. I felt good, felt like there's a chance to try to reconnect, take it slow you know? So I didn't contact her till this last Sunday, I was out of town and texted her to ask if she wanted to catch up over the phone when I got back home. She kept responding in ways that implied she didn't want to have a phone call. She told me she was baby sitting her niece...dating this woman for 9 months and having her call me from friend's parties just to say hi, calling me at work...she could have called me while baby sitting. I told her I didn't mean to bother her, just wanted to see how her weekend was, that I was thinking of her (shouldn't have said it but whatever). She responds: "It's ok! I hope you had a lot of fun!"
At this point I realized I was over it. I'm done trying. I'm tired of her going back and forth with the mixed signals. It also helped that during that weekend I was at a bachelor party, danced with a lot of girls, kissed one, and realized that my life isn't over, there are other women out there. I'm not distended to be alone forever. Since Sunday I've been staying active, going out and I feel great. Don't get me wrong, I still love her and would love to try again but I'm not trying anymore. I'm moving on and if she ever wants to try again she's going to have to really work for it. I won't be contacting her again. I will respond to her and be a friend if she ever reaches out but that will be it.
But I will always be appreciative of the relationship and everything we did together, she opened my eyes up to the world and so many other things. I will never think bad of her, and always remember the good times.
Anyways, I honestly feel good this time and know I'm okay and will be okay. Thank you all for your support and responses, its helpful even though I didn't always want to hear it. Hopefully my next update will be me discussing my next date with a new girl.
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Glad you're finally moving on. All the best!
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I will say I breathed a sigh of relief when you said you were done trying lol good for you. I know getting to this point wasn't easy for you, but I'm glad you're not chasing anymore, and you realize it's going to be okay, no matter what happens I'm feeling really happy and positive for you
"Sometimes you just have to let art flow over you."Comment
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Sounds like you have made the right call here - maybe one day she will realise what she has potentialy lost and regret it, but that is not your concern now.
Glad you are feeling better though
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Hey all! Figured I would post a little update being as it's been about a month since my last post. Emotionally I'm a lot further along than where I was, I'm much happier, but I still have those days where I think of her, which is normal I suspect. Being that I knew it was over in my last post here I decided to send her boots that she bought and left behind here in Texas within the next few days. With it I wrote a letter, it basically expressed how thankful I was to meet her, how I learned so much in our time together, and that I will always love her and wish her the best. It probably took me a good 5-7 hours to write...it was only a page though, I just wanted this letter to be the way she remembered me.
Anyways, a few days before she received the letter and about a week since the last incident she texted me wishing me well again, I just responded back you too. The letter arrived 5 or so days later, she texted me, told me she cried and that it really rocked her emotionally, we texted for probably another 10 minutes before she went to bed...
Then I didn't hear from her again...until 3 days ago or about 2 weeks after the letter. She wanted to wish me a Happy Easter, and I guess she saw a photo of me with my sister at a sporting event, so she commented on that.
I thought she was gone for good...that I wouldn't hear from her again, as did my friends...it was shocking and another "what the hell" moment for me. To put this all into perspective, she ended it with me. We both agreed on space. Then at least once every week thereafter for 2 months (until this final 2 week one) she initiated the conversation.
Before responding I pondered just ignoring her, telling her to leave me alone, or just letting it go and texting her. I went with option three, we had a good long conversation, nothing about the past, but about what we were up too, she was sending emogees again, lots of "haha" and "lol". Which even when we were dating she didn't do it that much. If she took a while to respond she would apologize for it. At one point I brought up the past and I told her I was surprised she contacted me again, that I didn't think I would hear from her, and she said "why wouldn't I silly?" ...So I basically said the truth, that this is all new territory for me in talking to ex's, and basically once the past relationship got brought up she went cold and distant again, she still responded but...not with all the "haha".
I honestly don't understand the motives here. I never knew her as a friend, so I don't know if this is what shes like in that role. I'm now in a mental battle with myself of whether I can handle this being friends thing and if it's something I want, or if I'm not ready and maybe I'm doing it in hopes we get back together. It's not like either one of us will benefit or be able to use the other for some unknown reason at this point when we live in different countries.
I've recited this story to all of my friends...they all have no clue why she's continuing to contact me. Is this something people do when the end a relationship in a good way? Is she using me to fill a void when shes sad? Is she just trying to be a friend?
My attitude on it is, SHE dumped me because it was "hard" and the "timing". Yet, SHE wants to be friends because "I'm so special to her" and "nothing bad ever happened between us". Her words...in the quotes.
Sounds like she wants to be single at this time after getting out of the marriage, but she also wants me there. But who fucking knows anymore lol. Please know I am happy, and good with life, I'm just in a "wtf" do I do place.
-KarlComment
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I think she's in a stage where she's feeling all 3 of what you listed. She just confused, I think. She doesn't want to be with you in a relationship, but I also don't think she wants you out of her life. At the same time though, I feel like she's being selfish and toying with your emotions, which are clearly rocked by her bouts of no contact to trying to be friends again.
It really is up to you to decide if this is something you can handle, we can't really tell you what to do. If this was me, I'd cut contact for a bit, so that I wouldn't be so confused. But, that's me.Comment
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