Girlfriend of 9 months asked for space...

[austexas24]

Some of you are so cold hearted. Obviously I could get my heart broken again, but you can't say that you wouldn't at least give it another shot, that you would honestly just give up. It's February now, I'm going to see how it goes and give myself a cut off date for the end of April. If i'm not able to see her by then, than i'll give up and move on for good. She's going through a divorce and it's played a huge role in why she has ended it with me. I'm going to keep in touch (not as often) but try to spend time skyping her on the weekends. Who knows what will happen, but I'm not one to quit, especially not on her. If anything in life is worth fighting for its her.

Furthermore...if you've ever had the feeling that someone was the "one" and I'm not talking about when you're going through college and have puppy love, or think you're in love. I truly discovered real love for the first time, and I don't want that regret of not giving it a shot, I dont want to be with someone else and think of her going "what if?"

I know you are all trying to give me your honest opinion and I'm very thankful for that, but you also have to have a little faith sometimes. I know that none of you would just "give up" after a break up, everyone tries for a little bit, even if they don't know it. I will update this story, good or bad.

[Hollandia]

Why ask if you don't want cold hard opinions? If you don't, then just do as you want. You can't lecture people for telling you what you don't want to hear. People ask and others answer, take with a grain of salt or not, that is your call, it does not make them wrong, just differing opinions. We get this all the time, I wish you luck, it sounds like you have made up your mind so hope it works for you.

[Unconditional]

We took the time to reply and you call some of us cold hearted? I would give up after a break up, in fact that's exactly what I did because I finally knew that I deserved better. I deserved someone who treated me better than my ex did and you know what? I found him. He's everything I needed and always has been. So yes, if in your situation I would "give up" but I don't call it giving up, I call it that I deserve better. I knew that when my ex broke up with me because something bad happened in his life, I wasn't going to just wait around for him to figure out it was a mistake. He did eventually contact me saying he made a mistake, but I cannot make myself give him my heart again so easily, he needs to take care of himself first and I really do wish him the best and he's a great guy but he hurt me and after I went through so much for him I just knew I couldn't go back. Soon thereafter I reconnected with my current SO and I couldn't be happier, I'm treated right and am made a priority by him and that's all I ever asked for. You know, my ex and I were in love, I wouldn't have gone crazy through deployment if I didn't believe in our future and you know we had plans to have a future together eventually. Even all of that, it couldn't make me stay. Being in love with him couldn't make me come back to him. I'll always care for him, he's a great guy, but like I said before he needs to take care of himself because right now he's not in the best place.

That being said, do NOT say that none of us would just "give up" because sometimes no matter how much you love someone, no matter how much you believe they are "the one", sometimes it's not enough.

[randomnerd]

Some of you are so cold hearted. Obviously I could get my heart broken again, but you can't say that you wouldn't at least give it another shot, that you would honestly just give up. It's February now, I'm going to see how it goes and give myself a cut off date for the end of April. If i'm not able to see her by then, than i'll give up and move on for good. She's going through a divorce and it's played a huge role in why she has ended it with me. I'm going to keep in touch (not as often) but try to spend time skyping her on the weekends. Who knows what will happen, but I'm not one to quit, especially not on her. If anything in life is worth fighting for its her.

Furthermore...if you've ever had the feeling that someone was the "one" and I'm not talking about when you're going through college and have puppy love, or think you're in love. I truly discovered real love for the first time, and I don't want that regret of not giving it a shot, I dont want to be with someone else and think of her going "what if?"

I know you are all trying to give me your honest opinion and I'm very thankful for that, but you also have to have a little faith sometimes. I know that none of you would just "give up" after a break up, everyone tries for a little bit, even if they don't know it. I will update this story, good or bad.

Look, here's the thing. Let her go through her divorce. Once she completes that she may not be in the mental place yet to move forward with the relationship yet. That can take more than 2-4 months, really. Before you set arbitrary timelines to wait through, you need to see what she sees for you guys and she is not in a place to give you the answers you would need. Don't obsess about her and how she is feeling during that time. Work on yourself. It's a tough situation but that's what it is. Also, actually give her the space and let her be the one to contact you once she's ready. You immediately sent her text messages and a letter after she asked you for space.

I don't think it's fair to call people cold hearted, you can't see the whole picture because you're too close to it.

[austexas24]

You are all absolutely right. I apologize for my harsh words. I'm still somewhat lost and emotional from the whole thing and as much as I don't want to believe it or face it, it is over. She called me this morning not because she wanted to talk to me, but because her ex found the letter I sent and didn't want me to stress out from the text's she sent me. I ended up telling her that it's a little shitty that she seems to not be distraught at all with ending it with me. Maybe I need to do as you've all said and just cut her off, I'm only hurting myself...if she truly loves me and wants to be with me she'd make the effort.

I don't think I can be just a friend...it's too hard and gives me to much false hope. I didn't even really get to have all my questions answered about why she's ending it. I got the just of it, but I just can't imagine how it changed so quickly. Maybe we can set aside some time and skype this weekend, I can get my questions answered and be 100% honest in that I want to be with her but I don't think I can be her friend. In doing so I'm basically eliminating the chance to speak with the woman I've spent the last 9 months talking to daily.

I'm so lost, and I'm so sorry once again for being a prick to you all. I know you're just trying to help me.

[Unconditional]

Apology accepted. I understand (somewhat) what you're going through. It may be better to simply cut ties. I know it'll be hard, but you have to realize you deserve better.

[Hollandia]

Np, I think you are always in for pain if it is more one sided. I believe we all deserve to be equally loved. You do too. It will hurt, but in end, you might be saving yourself a lot of pain.

I was going through a long hard divorce when I met my SO, and my dad has just passed away a few months before. I was a mess, I loved him enough to work through my mess and love him. It was not easy. As I have said in another thread, couples need to be together in rain and shine, because it rains a lot in life. When you find that person, you create an umbrella to weather those storms together. I think when you love, you love hard and true so at some point you will find one that will give back as much as you give.

[merlinkitty]

We all speak from our own past experiences. I think everyone who responded to you relates in some way to the story you told. I don't think any of us have to imagine the pain and loss you're feeling now. And I think you are perhaps right about not being able to be just a friend. It's not fair to you. Personally I waited around for almost a decade for my last guy to get his act together, being a friend and whatever that means when relating it to someone you think you're going to spend your life with. Once I let go I was able find someone who was able to meet me equally. I hope for that for you as well.

[austexas24]

Np, I think you are always in for pain if it is more one sided. I believe we all deserve to be equally loved. You do too. It will hurt, but in end, you might be saving yourself a lot of pain.

I was going through a long hard divorce when I met my SO, and my dad has just passed away a few months before. I was a mess, I loved him enough to work through my mess and love him. It was not easy. As I have said in another thread, couples need to be together in rain and shine, because it rains a lot in life. When you find that person, you create an umbrella to weather those storms together. I think when you love, you love hard and true so at some point you will find one that will give back as much as you give.

Thank you for sharing this. I was going to ask if anyone has ever had success in situations like this. I have sent her a text that she should receive in a few hours when she wakes up, I simply asked for her to skype me this weekend for at least an hour. I just want to get all my questions answered and make sure she really understands what could happen if she decides to follow through on this breakup. That I may not be there for her when she decides she is ready to try again with me at all. It was pretty rough having to have the conversation via viber while I was at work and so was she...it was a bit hurtful to be honest. I know that if I was ending it, it would be in person or in skype.

As always I will keep you guys updated. I think its best for me to put away the photos and everything she had around my house in a box to keep myself from getting upset until I figure out what we're going to be.

-Karl

[Redheart14]

Good luck! Remember be kind to yourself, hope you get to Skype and get the answers you need.

[whatruckus]

Some of you are so cold hearted. Obviously I could get my heart broken again, but you can't say that you wouldn't at least give it another shot, that you would honestly just give up. It's February now, I'm going to see how it goes and give myself a cut off date for the end of April. If i'm not able to see her by then, than i'll give up and move on for good. She's going through a divorce and it's played a huge role in why she has ended it with me. I'm going to keep in touch (not as often) but try to spend time skyping her on the weekends. Who knows what will happen, but I'm not one to quit, especially not on her. If anything in life is worth fighting for its her.

Furthermore...if you've ever had the feeling that someone was the "one" and I'm not talking about when you're going through college and have puppy love, or think you're in love. I truly discovered real love for the first time, and I don't want that regret of not giving it a shot, I dont want to be with someone else and think of her going "what if?"

I know you are all trying to give me your honest opinion and I'm very thankful for that, but you also have to have a little faith sometimes. I know that none of you would just "give up" after a break up, everyone tries for a little bit, even if they don't know it. I will update this story, good or bad.

First of all, I said give up on her because my ex told me that we might get back together while he was seeing someone else. We were together for 5 years, 5 YEARS. All the while he was promising to marry me and a bunch of other bull crap. It's the same thing I've seen happen to other people. I was speaking from experience that not everyone who says something like that is really intending on getting back together. I tortured myself for months before I realized it wasn't worth it, and he lied.

Is that something you really want for yourself? You want to torture yourself for months, hanging on her words, when it might not happen? For all you know, you could be bettering yourself, and hell, maybe even find someone else who has the time for you. I thought my ex was "the one". Turns out he wasn't. As someone said before, you're blind to what's going on in your situation right now because you still have her on a pedestal.

[austexas24]

First of all, I said give up on her because my ex told me that we might get back together while he was seeing someone else. We were together for 5 years, 5 YEARS. All the while he was promising to marry me and a bunch of other bull crap. It's the same thing I've seen happen to other people. I was speaking from experience that not everyone who says something like that is really intending on getting back together. I tortured myself for months before I realized it wasn't worth it, and he lied.

Is that something you really want for yourself? You want to torture yourself for months, hanging on her words, when it might not happen? For all you know, you could be bettering yourself, and hell, maybe even find someone else who has the time for you. I thought my ex was "the one". Turns out he wasn't. As someone said before, you're blind to what's going on in your situation right now because you still have her on a pedestal.

I know for sure she isn't seeing anyone else, and that more than anything the divorce is probably pushing her into a stressful situation that leaves her feeling she can't have me and him to deal with. I'm really the one pushing myself to wait for her, she told me during the phone call that it's not fair for me to wait. But I think our skype session Sunday will help answer alot of unknowns about what's going on and whether or not I continue to pursue her.

[whatruckus]

I know for sure she isn't seeing anyone else, and that more than anything the divorce is probably pushing her into a stressful situation that leaves her feeling she can't have me and him to deal with. I'm really the one pushing myself to wait for her, she told me during the phone call that it's not fair for me to wait. But I think our skype session Sunday will help answer alot of unknowns about what's going on and whether or not I continue to pursue her.

It doesn't matter if she was seeing someone else or not and if she told you not to wait for her now. She shouldn't have said that to begin with. It still gave you false hope.

[differentcountries]

Some of you are so cold hearted. Obviously I could get my heart broken again, but you can't say that you wouldn't at least give it another shot, that you would honestly just give up. .... Furthermore...if you've ever had the feeling that someone was the "one" and I'm not talking about when you're going through college and have puppy love, or think you're in love. I truly discovered real love for the first time,

Some of us actually have experience in these matters or matters that are similar. I am not saying you hanging around her can't work to bring her back, but I do think the fact that you have not experienced love before makes you not see her shitty behaviour for what it is. Those of us who have had loved before know that a cold heart can also be a friend. Because love can fuck you up real good, especially when it is not just puppy love. I find I have the shortest fuse the longer I am in long term relationships, which is sound and efficient and saves me a lot of tears and a lot of grief - I don't even tolerate people not being there mentally and certainly would not be into dating someone who were not willing to date me. My husband was - I still think he was - very patient with me when we met. I came straight from a very messy break-up, he tolerated 1 month of "I am not sure" then said he gave me 1 month to decide if I was in, or he was gone for good. I decided after one or twoo weeks because I was afraid he actually meant it! He still had to cope with me being cold and messy for a while, but I was in. He could tell all his friends that we were dating, and when I had doubts and leftover hangups from my ex he would take them in stride because I told him he was my boyfriend. Now we have been together almost 11 years.

[merlinkitty]

I find I have the shortest fuse the longer I am in long term relationships, which is sound and efficient and saves me a lot of tears and a lot of grief

I've found this to be extremely true. After you go through something so destructive you learn to recognize the signs quicker. Kind of a survival mechanism, I guess.