So I've been in this LDR for almost 3 years. We have never met, but plan to meet in June. I'm insecure and she's very attractive so I feel that she can easily find any other better guy where she lives. The thing is, I know for a fact that she goes into chat rooms talking to other people and they are arranging meet ups and stuff. In the past of course these things bothered me and I probably got all suspicious and didn't react so great. I feel that this is why she doesn't want to tell me things things, so that I don't worry and go all crazy. Anyway, so she doesn't tell me that she goes into chat rooms and she doesn't tell me about any possible meet ups and such. I also found out that she made another facebook/skype account for these people that she finds online. It hurts because she wouldn't tell me and if I don't see her online, it can possibly be because she's chatting up with other guys. Also she made up a big lie that she is going to see her friend in need of help, when instead she is going on a trip to a different country with her friends(I don't know if this includes guys) but I think we can all imagine what happens when you go to a different country possibly looking for something. I mean, the idea of going to a different place for fun doesn't bother me. It's just that she hid it from me and lied about her reason for being away. Also, she tells me that she is going to sleep but in fact I see her online in the chat for another 1-2 hours! I mean she can simply tell me that she wants to do something else or she can do both. But anyway, I know it seems like I'm being selfish but I try to be understanding and of course not all of these things are pleasant, but I try to understand. She doesn't believe me anyway, so now she just hides stuff.
By the way, she doesn't know that I know any of these things. I've actually questioned and brought up stuff from the chat like if she was going to meet people and she would swear/promise to me that she wouldn't, when I see her actually inviting people to attend this meet up. She tells me that she loves me and that she isn't looking for anything. When we had an argument about this, she was on the verge of tears because I would sort of try to squeeze out the little detail hoping she would just tell me. Anyway, I smother her and this is her rebelling against me.
So everyone, especially women, I need your help! What should I do? I think I should pretend nothing is happening and just go along with what she says. I feel that if I confront her, it'll just aggravate things and drive her away. I feel that if I pretend everything is okay, maybe I'll be the same fun guy she met. She mentions how I wasn't always like this and that it's really bad and that at some point, she may leave me. She says we're good, but I don't know how much longer we can survive. I'm giving her space and pretending nothing is happening. So, will this restore her faith in telling me things? I'm not trying to forbid her to do anything, I just would like to know. I really hate that she lies/hides things from me. I know she cares about my feelings and lies like this but I think lying hurts more.
So women, what can I do to get her comfortable with telling me things? Is it that once it's gone, it's gone? Is there anything I can do? She used to tell me everything, but I guess I wouldn't take them too well so now she just doesn't tell me anything at all. It's really saddening and I want this relationship to last. We will meet in 8 months and I don't want her to lose that passion/desire by the time I go there. So I really need some help here.. thanks
By the way, she doesn't know that I know any of these things. I've actually questioned and brought up stuff from the chat like if she was going to meet people and she would swear/promise to me that she wouldn't, when I see her actually inviting people to attend this meet up. She tells me that she loves me and that she isn't looking for anything. When we had an argument about this, she was on the verge of tears because I would sort of try to squeeze out the little detail hoping she would just tell me. Anyway, I smother her and this is her rebelling against me.
So everyone, especially women, I need your help! What should I do? I think I should pretend nothing is happening and just go along with what she says. I feel that if I confront her, it'll just aggravate things and drive her away. I feel that if I pretend everything is okay, maybe I'll be the same fun guy she met. She mentions how I wasn't always like this and that it's really bad and that at some point, she may leave me. She says we're good, but I don't know how much longer we can survive. I'm giving her space and pretending nothing is happening. So, will this restore her faith in telling me things? I'm not trying to forbid her to do anything, I just would like to know. I really hate that she lies/hides things from me. I know she cares about my feelings and lies like this but I think lying hurts more.
So women, what can I do to get her comfortable with telling me things? Is it that once it's gone, it's gone? Is there anything I can do? She used to tell me everything, but I guess I wouldn't take them too well so now she just doesn't tell me anything at all. It's really saddening and I want this relationship to last. We will meet in 8 months and I don't want her to lose that passion/desire by the time I go there. So I really need some help here.. thanks
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